girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
