Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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