I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
