True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
