It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
