the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i drank out of a bidet.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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