I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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