Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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