evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
