If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
