If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
