don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
