were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
