Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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