Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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