I can text with my tongue
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
