I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
