It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
