There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
