Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
