I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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