Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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