I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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