Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
