he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
foreskin is a definite game changer
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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