I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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