I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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