Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
