He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
