Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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