we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
