Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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