I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
