Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
