So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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