I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
