So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
