I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
