Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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