Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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