The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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