Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
