Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
sex in a hospital.. check
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
