Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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