so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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