Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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