Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
