There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
