I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
