Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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