i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
