How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
